make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
