I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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