Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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