My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
