There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
