He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
