Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
