I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
