Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
