I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
