ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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