my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
