saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize