the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
