giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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