i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
