I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
