he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
