we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
