I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize