She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
