First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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