I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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