The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
