i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
