I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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