please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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