whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
