there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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