She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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