driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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