Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
