This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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