I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
