I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
