Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
