Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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