You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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