I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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