Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
