one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
