I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
