Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
