You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
