im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
