I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
