Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
