I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
