My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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