He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
