its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
