I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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