never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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