at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize