My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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