u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Randomize
