bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
