I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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