Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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