You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
