when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
me + whiskey = a bad person
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
