508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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