OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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