He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
