Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
this is an emotional support booty call
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
