can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
