dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize